Unshakable Me: A Sean Roman Fanfic
by lyssaj87
Summary: Sean Roman, a police officer for the CPD, chases demons not only on the streets, but within. Does he have what it takes to bring them down?
1. Chapter 1

The sun was setting behind the Chicago skyline as Chicago police officer Sean Roman made his way to the doors of the 21st precinct. After bidding farewell to Sergeant Platt, of course. The March air was still brisk, but the snow had melted away and there was that revitalizing scent of spring in the air.

Sean hopped in his old Chevy Silverado and closed his eyes. Another day was done. He could go home. And for that, he silently sent a prayer of thanks to the Man upstairs. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't remember that his life was on the line at every second.

Sean cranked the engine and headed towards his apartment on south Damon avenue. As he got closer, there was something pulling him away. The apartment was no first-class penthouse, but that wasn't the reason he was avoiding it.

He knew the drill - walk up the stairs to the third floor, unlock the door, drop his stuff and change from his uniform to sweats and a tshirt. Then, he'd grab a beer from the fridge and spend the night absentmindedly watching some hockey or football game. He'd fall asleep and get up the next morning and do it all again. Just going through the motions.

"What's so bad about that?", he asked himself. He knew a lot of guys who were a heck of a lot worse off than he was.

But the house would be dark. And silent. And there would be no one there for him to wrap his arms around and tell how glad he was to be home. No one to cuddle up on the couch with and talk about the day. He would be alone.

Lost in his thoughts, Sean found himself up on south Pulaski. It wasn't too late, about 8:30. He looked out the window and a neon sign flickered in his eyes. He couldn't see a lot of people inside, and the streets were nearly empty. Something about it just seemed right.

He parked his pickup along the street and dug in his pocket and pulled out change for the parking meter. He opened the door and looked around. It was a nice place - the dark wood floors were polished and the tables were clean. The bar was empty, and besides a few older couples sitting in booths towards the back, the place was vacant.

The legs of the barstool scraped across the floor as he pulled it out to take a seat. The bartender, whom Sean hadn't seen before, looked up. He looked like he'd been asleep. He walked over to Sean and asked him what he wanted. The man handed him an ice cold beer, and looked Sean right in the eyes. The man was old, and he looked like he hadn't slept in ages. Literally. There was just something about him.

"What can I get you?", The man asked, his deep voice husky with age and cigar smoke.

"Whatever it takes", Sean replied. Something to ease the pain.

Sean expected him to turn to the impressive collection of liquor, or the row of beer on tap. The man just looked up slowly until he was looking Sean in the eyes. The man's crystal blue eyes took Sean by surprise.

"Boy, I may not know much, but I do know you ain't findin' that here." He said quietly.

Sean looked up and their equally blue eyes met again.

"Watcha got on your mind, son? I got nothin' but time and I always like a good talk".

Sean didn't know what to say.

"I don't know…ya ever felt like you were just destined to end up alone? I just can't take another night by myself in that apartment..." The words tumbled out of his mouth, and in that moment he realized how desperate he was for someone to talk to.

"Yes, son, I know the feeling well. My wife, Meredith, yeah she and I's married for 19 years. Best thing I could have ever asked for. But she died in a car accident 5 years ago. Heading down I-19 to visit our son at East Tennessee for the weekend. I didn't even get to say goodbye." Sean was taken aback.

"Oh...I,I...I'm sorry….I had no idea…" Sean stammered.

"Don't be sorry. It was her time. The Good Lord called her home. 'Course I didn't think that at the time. I was angry...downed bottle after bottle every night. A couple glasses of Jack D almost did me in one night. Neighbor called the cops when she heard me hit the ground...we lived in an apartment...and I almost died of alcohol poisoning. I got clean after that, decided this was no way Meredith would want me to live my life….even if she couldn't live it with me." Sean was speechless.

"Wow, sir. That's incredible…"

"I guess what I'm tryin' to tell ya son, is that in life….you find love, you lose love, and you realize that all along you've been loved. There's people out there who care about ya, I got no doubt. I got my son and daughter, and real good friends. I'm sure you can say the same. So just be patient, live your life and become the best man you can, and eventually the right one will come along. After all, there's someone for everyone, ain't there?''

A small smile began to creep across Sean's face. And his eyes began to well up with tears. This man was right. He'd been too worried about finding love to think about if he was even ready for love. And gettin' drunk on a Tuesday night was no was to do that.

"Now can I get ya anything?" The older man asked.

Sean looked up and blinked away a tear.

"I think I'll just have some water, if ya don't mind." The man smiled and poured a glass.

The men sat and talked as the hours crept by, and Sean was grateful he had stopped in. He learned that the man's name was Kenny, he was from Georgia, and he didn't like living in Chicago. Said he missed the south, and he planned on heading back down there once his daughter graduated from UIC. He promised he would always be close by once her mom had died. But he loved talking to young men; sharing his life's journey and wisdom gained along the way.

Sean felt like a different man when he walked out the door. he knew he could face this world, even if it meant doing it alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Sean turned up the radio in his truck on the way home. Nothing would come in except for a country station, so that's what he listened to. " _Hello world, how ya been, good to see you my old friend, sometimes I feel cold as steel, broken like I'm never gonna heal, I see a little light, a little grace, a little faith unfurled, hello world"*_ He didn't know the song or who sang it, but he knew one thing: whoever it was, was singin' to him. As he pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex, he began to see the world in a new light. There was no reason wallowing in the unluckiness of his love life.

He risked his life every day, and he knew his life could end on any given day while on the job. Tonight was the first night he really understood what people meant by "live every day like it's your last". The way he'd been livin' his life for the past few months was in no way how he wanted his life to end.

From here on out, he decided, he would focus on being happy and kind, and doing something good with his life. He would invest himself in the job, instead of just going through the motions. And he would trust that the right girl was out there waiting for him, and he just had to be patient for the right time.

He unlocked the apartment door and dropped his duffel bag by the door. He walked to the bedroom and peeled off his uniform and pulled on some athletic shorts. And he crawled into bed.

He didn't grab a beer or watch TV. It was time to give his life a shake-up.

He fell asleep instantly...he hadn't realized nearly how tired he was, and it was only about 11 o'clock. Normally he didn't fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning.

He opened his eyes to see the rays of sunlight strewn across the hardwood floor. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept through the night, or when he had last slept that well….he slept like a freakin' baby and it felt fantastic.

He hopped in the shower and let the hot water wake him up. He thought about the upcoming shift and wondered what challenges he would face today. He went through his morning routine...shave, brush his teeth, gel his hair, and get dressed.

But today felt a little different. There was a slight swing in his step and he actually felt sort of excited to go to work. He prayed it would be a good shift.

He grabbed a muffin and poured coffee into a thermos, and he was out the door. He started his truck and was startled by the loud music coming from the stereo. He had forgotten to turn it down last night. It was blasting another country song, and he decided to leave it on. Country was beginning to grow on him.

As he pulled into the parking lot behind the station, he felt genuinely happy. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this way.

But little did he know...that was all about to change.

*the song quoted here is "Hello World" by Lady Antebellum. Thank y'all for reading, hope you enjoy. Have a fantastic day. -Alyssa :)


	3. Chapter 3

Sean Roman strolled through the doors of the 21st precinct and approached the desk with Sergeant Platt perched behind it.

"Good morning, Platt! How are you?" Sean surprised both Platt and himself with the words that came out of his mouth. Usually all he gave was a slight head nod and maybe a small smile.

"Well good morning, Roman. Why are you so joyful today?" She asked without looking away from the computer screen, he voice absent of emotion.

"Because today's gonna be a great day! Can I have my keys please?"

"Sure," Platt said as she looked at Sean skeptically. "Burgess is in the locker room."

Sean thought about his partner and best friend, Kim Burgess, as he walked through the door of the locker room. It was hard to believe that he had been so resentful towards her at first. It was just, after Jen left him, he felt like he couldn't talk to a woman without bursting into tears.

Jen. He thought about her quite often, but lately he'd been becoming more successful at chasing her out of his mind. Whiskey got her gone for quite a while…

But those days were over, he told himself. Enough wallowing in the past. She was gone for good, and he was trying to teach himself to accept that. Easier said than done, he thought.

He looked up to find himself facing the rows of royal blue lockers. He twisted the dial and jerked the lock off. He stuck his coat inside and tucked in his uniform shirt. He sat down on the bench and stared absentmindedly into the locker.

"I can do this," he told himself. "I can." Sean sighed and looked up, right as his partner was coming around the corner.

"Hey Sean, ready to go?" Burgess asked with a smile. She was always smiling.

Burgess tugged her hair into her go-to ponytail as she continued to smile at Roman.

"Yep, ready when you are." He said as he returned the look. Kim was pretty, but Roman had never thought of her as anything more than a partner. She was awesome and badass and all, but she just wasn't really his type. Plus, she and Ruzek were engaged.

Sean pulled his CPD-issued hat over his ears as he and Burgess walked out into the brisk morning air. The sun was rising and the fog over the Chicago skyline was just beginning to lift. He loved mornings like this.

Like every morning, Sean pulled open the driver's door of the squad car and ducked inside. He always drove, even back in his old unit. And Burgess didn't seem to mind riding shotgun. Whenever he worked with intelligence, he always overheard Halstead giving Lindsay some crap about how he wouldn't let her drive. "Women," he thought as he smiled to himself.

Burgess was chattering on about something, but Sean barely heard. Despite her early concerns about marrying Adam, he knew she was so excited she could hardly stand it. And he was happy for them.

"...I don't want to get married in Chicago, but Adam does. So maybe that's what we'll do, but my family is still in Memphis, so I don't know if they'll all be able to be here, and when I was a little girl I always wanted to get married on a big southern plantation but that's so not Adam's type...What do you think, Sean?"

Sean's ears perked up, but not at the mention of his name. He heard something. This wasn't a sound that they taught you to listen for in the academy; there were plenty of those. It was a sound that made any human with ears' blood curdle and the hair rise up on the back of their neck….

He heard a woman's scream.


	4. Chapter 4

Sean killed the engine of the squad and yanked open the door. He was on his feet and running across the street, Burgess on his heels. That was one of the great things about their partnership - she didn't even question him, she just trusted him and had his back...no matter what.

Sean heard it again as he reached the opposite sidewalk. The woman sounded young, and something was obviously wrong. He approached the door to an apartment building that looked similar to the one he lived in.

He jerked the door open and Burgess followed him, moving silently. They crept up the stairs, waiting for another sound.

Suddenly, the shrill sound of pure agony echoed all around them.

"One floor up, right door," he whispered to Burgess. Kim radioed for backup, and notified dispatch that they were going to attempt entry. They were at the door now, Kim on the right, and Sean on the left, both with guns drawn.

The scream filled the air once again, but it sounded like it was the last bit of life leaving the woman's body. Roman and Burgess both knew that it was now or never.

The officers met eyes, and Burgess gave a little nod.

Sean wheeled around and kicked in the door, yelling in a deep and menacing voice that always sounded so far away, "CHICAGO PD!"

They entered the apartment, which looked very nice. Well, had looked very nice. There was debris everywhere, clothes scattered where there shouldn't be clothes, shattered picture frames strewn about and silver nails protruding from the wall where the picture had once hung so peacefully.

"CLEAR!" Shouted Burgess, her back to Roman. Whatever was happening, wasn't happening in the living room or kitchen. A small hallway led to a bathroom and a bedroom, where the officers heard a door slam. They turned in that direction and broke into a run, skidding to a halt in front of the door.

Sean grabbed the handle, but it was locked. Without giving it a second though, he reared back and kicked in the door. Burgess entered the room first, and reached for her tazer. The prongs of the mechanism entered a man's body square in the chest. The chest of a man who had come barreling at her. Sean launched himself on the man, securing his hands in cuffs.

He had found his offender - obviously - but that didn't answer his question. Who had been screaming. He glanced up to see Burgess stride around to the opposite side of the king-sized bed that occupied most of the small bedroom.

"2114, roll an ambo to last known location. Female, 20's, multiple contusions and abrasions, possible head and spine injuries."

Sean crept around the bed, expecting to see a mangled heap of flesh and bone. Instead, laying on the floor,

was the most beautiful woman Sean had ever seen.

Author's Note: Hope you guys are enjoying! I've been surprised by the growing popularity of my story. This is my first fanfic, and I would love any feedback you are willing to give - positive or negative. It would be greatly appreciated and thanks for reading! -Alyssa :)


	5. Chapter 5

Roman fell to his knees beside the young woman and held her head steady. She was unconscious, and her face was turning more black and blue by the second. She had blonde hair that was pulled into a loose ponytail, and she was wearing skinny jeans and a t-shirt. Sean wondered what color her eyes were.

The sound of Kim's voice shook Sean from his daze as he heard her tell the offender to pick himself up off the floor. That was one thing that always amazed Roman. Kim was half his size, yet she could knock down and drag men that were twice as big as him. She marched the man out of the room, and told Sean the paramedics were en route.

"Who are you?" He mumbled under his breath, knowing full well the girl wouldn't be able to hear him. He said a silent prayer that she would be alright. Suddenly, the young woman's long eyelashes began to flutter and gave way to big chocolatey brown eyes.

Before Sean could react, the girl began flailing in his arms, clearly confused and frightened by the situation.

"Shh, it's okay. Calm down. My name is Sean and I'm a Chicago police officer. I'm here to help you." He said in as soft a voice as he could.

Tears began streaming down the girl's face, and she fell into Sean's strong arms, her small body shaking violently.

"It's okay, I've got you. He won't hurt you anymore." She continued to cry. "What's your name?" He wanted so desperately for her to stop crying.

"Lauren." Her voice was soft and sweet. Sean's heart skipped a beat. And he didn't exactly know why.

Lauren jumped at the sound of the paramedics entering the room. Sylvie Brett and Jimmy Borelli, the medics from Firehouse 51 who were also Sean's close friends, knelt down by Lauren's side and began to take her vital signs. They helped her stand up and sit down on the gurney. She was debating them, saying she wanted to walk. The paramedics insisted she sit down and relax. Sean walked by her side as they went from the elevator outside to the waiting ambulance. They quickly shut the doors and Jimmy started the engine while Brett tended to Lauren in the back. Roman stood speechless as he watched the ambulance rush down the road, sirens cutting through the otherwise peaceful air.

Roman closed his eyes and took a deep breath and let the image of her dark brown eyes

cloud his mind. He wanted to see her again. No, he needed to see her again. He said another silent prayer that she would be alright. He knew she was in good hands with Ambo 61, but he was still worried. All they ever told you at the academy was to leave 'em and forget 'em. But Sean knew he wouldn't be forgetting Lauren any time soon.

Kim's voice shook him from his daze. They had gotten another call and needed to head out quickly. Erin Lindsay and Jay Halstead from the Intelligence Unit had shown up and began investigating the crime scene, which resembled a battle zone more so than it did an apartment. Sean couldn't shake the image of Lauren's bruised and bloodied yet absolutely beautiful face from his mind. He would check by the hospital after shift. Right now he had a job to do.

The rest of the day was rather nonchalant and I eventful. They busted two seventeen year olds buying cocaine in an alley, and picked up a guy from Garfield Park who was wanted for shoplifting. Roman was thankful for the relative peace. He was counting down the hours till shift ended as he looked up at the Chicago skyline. The sun had begun to set and a beautiful fall sunset illuminated the sky. Beautiful, he thought. Which of course led his thoughts back to something, or someone, just as beautiful.

Sean slammed the blue locker door shut and left the precinct through the back door. He wanted to avoid Sergeant Platt and anyone else who might want to talk. He had somewhere he needed to be. He hopped into his truck and started the engine. The country station was still on and for some reason he couldn't make himself change it. But he was glad he didn't, because the song that was on seemed, once again, to be speaking right to him.

He drove in silence to Chicago Med, letting himself get lost in the music and the skyline lights. He found a parking spot outside the emergency room and clicked the lock as he slammed the truck door. He made his way to the door, excited yet terrified to see Lauren once again.

However, what lay on the opposite side of the sliding doors was nothing he could have ever imagined.

Author's Note: Well, thanks to you guys I have found my inspiration for this story once again. That, and the fact that the Chicago shows are on break is literally killing me. Just a few days left! Thanks for reading, I really do appreciate it. Love y'all. Please review! -Alyssa (:


	6. Chapter 6

Sean entered the emergency room timidly. Since his mom had died in an ER when he was young, they always freaked him out. He approached the desk and was greeted by Dr. Natalie Manning's warm smile. "Hey Sean, haven't seen you around here in a while. How've you been?" She asked kindly.

"Good, good. Thanks." He was in no mood for small talk. "I'm actually looking for someone Ambo 61 brought in earlier, named Lauren?"

Dr. Manning's smile fell and she looked at Sean sympathetically. "Oh Sean, I'm afraid you won't be able to see her. She's in surgery now. Massive brain hemorrhaging. They don't know if she's going to make it." Sean's smile fell and his eyes grew hazy. She seemed fine. She was alert, she talked to the paramedics. She looked in his eyes.

Natalie spoke again, but he found it hard to focus on her words. "She was beat brutally. Skull fractures and some crepitus on the back of her head. Guy must've slammed her into the tile until she passed out. Halstead said there was blood and hair on the walls so he must've dragged her into the bedroom... and you know what happens next. We're waiting until she wakes up to see if she'll consent to a rape kit. You gotta find this guy, Sean."

Sean's head was spinning. "Yeah... yeah Intelligence is on the case now. I... I don't understand. She seemed fine. She could walk. She was talking. What happened..." His voice trailed off. He couldn't make sense of what he was hearing. "Unfortunately that does happen sometimes. It's almost like the body doesn't recognize the magnitude of the injury until shortly after. We're doing everything we can for her, Sean. She's in good hands with Dr. Rhodes."

He wanted to leave. Now. Before he could cry or something. What was happening? He didn't know this girl from anywhere. She could be anyone. But his heart was drawn to her, for whatever reason. "Nat, could you or Dr. Halstead give me a call when she wakes up?" Natalie stared blankly at him for a second, and Sean realized that they didn't expect her to wake up. Sean's stomach churned. He felt like he was going to throw up, and it wasn't the Chinese food he and Burgess ate for lunch. Natalie's glare softened as her eyes met Sean's. "Of course. We'll keep you updated. Have a good night, Sean."

"Yeah... you too. Thanks." And he turned on his heel and dragged out of the ER. They were a place if pain and death. He looked up at the bright moon that overlooked the city. He hoped that whoever was up there was looking out for a small, blonde, stranger whom Sean cared so deeply for.

The memories of leaving the hospital after his mom died came flooding back, and suddenly all Sean wanted was a drink. He was angry. And sad. And frustrated. Why hasn't they gotten there earlier? If the guy was a known offended why wasn't he already in lockup? Why someone so innocent? The questions flooded his mind. Sean climbed into his truck and drove out into the night. He didn't know where to go. He just needed to think.

A few hours later, Sean found himself climbing the stairs to his apartment, dead tired. He needed to sleep. He unbuttoned his uniform shirt and stripped off the tight undershirt he always found so uncomfortable. He replaced his uniform pants with sweat shorts and climbed into bed. His last waking thought was a rejoice for the fact that he didn't have to work tomorrow. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

But it seemed like just a few minutes before Sean was jolted awake by the sound of his ringing cell phone across the floor, where he had left it haphazardly the night before. It was almost 7am, and sunlight was streaming through the eighth-floor window. Sean picked up his phone. It was an unknown number. He was suddenly angry that he had been woken up for an unnecessary call, but answered it anyway.

He felt weak in the knees when he heard Dr. Manning's voice on the other end.

"Sean, how fast can you get to the hospital?"


End file.
